The Music of Muse

This week was filled with strange dreams involving a couple of my muses in this life: Chris Garneau and Elizabeth Fraser. The truth about these muses is that I have no real idea about their personal lives, their personal integrity, their personal paths... but their art has changed my life. Or maybe I should say, it makes my life better than I imagine it would be without them. Along with several other artists in this life, they have become soundtracks to the inner space of me. And for some reason, I was visited with inspiration this week in the form of both Chris and Elizabeth.

My Chris Dream:

I dreamt I was attending some kind of ballet class for some reason and Chris happened to show up for that same class. I behaved as I would normally behave around someone who inspires me or toward whom I am in awe and I just did what I came to do, letting myself be thrilled, but not letting that spill over to invade Chris's space. But he kept coming up to me and laughing and touching me and engaging me and I felt tremendously at ease. We started acting silly and doing obnoxious dance poses... at one point, I remember his leaving the room and then suddenly spinning through the doorway, round and round and round until he was dizzy! We fell down together laughing, onto the floor against the wall. I realized I was leaning back onto him and that my hand was on his leg. I pulled my hand back and sat up quickly, but discreetly, continuing to laugh with him. Without any awkwardness, he reached for my hand, placed it back on his leg, and pulled me back into him, continuing to talk and laugh with me. It was extremely comforting. He whispered into my ear, "Don't forget. I know you."

My Elizabeth Dream:

I wish I could remember more of this because I NEVER dream of Elizabeth. What I remember is being shocked that she showed up somewhere where I was and that she was looking forward to meeting me! She showed up carrying packages and she was all frenetic and talkative and running around... I remember asking if she preferred to be called "Elizabeth" or "Liz," and she said, "anything, but Lizzy!" and I remember thinking that name had never even occurred to me. I don't remember much more than that, except that we were talking and talking and talking and it was hyper and excited. I do remember one phrase that stood out... she said, "we all end up singing our own lullabies."

So in honor of two of my muses visiting me in my dreams, I am putting together a MuxTape to share! Please take time to listen and enjoy. I've included some lyrics below to help you fall into this space within and maybe hear this music from between the worlds more intimately. So open the playlist into one page, and listen along with this page!

COCTEAUBOY JULY MUXTAPE

Playlist with Lyrics:

Cocteau Twins - MY TRUTH

You become powerful as you are accepting
You can work through the pain or enjoy more pleasure
Commit to the work of both
If you love all this energy, the chemistry

And you can work through the pain or enjoy more pleasure

and you can, you can work
through the pain
or enjoy more pleasure
and you can, you can work
through the pain
and come home to peace

It's frightening, exciting
Something shakes up our old understanding
The truth is more powerful
Are you fools, and confused to say
that I'm not angry

and you can, you can work
through the pain
or enjoy more pleasure
and you can, you can work
through the pain
and come home to peace

I'll remember my secret
I'll write it down and never tell it
It's not more fear outside of myself
that can save me

And you can work through the pain or enjoy more pleasure

Chris Garneau - TRY ME

Go ahead and try things on me
Maybe it'll bring you things you've never seen
It's a try, guaranteed
You can take whatever you need
Only skin remains
The winds blow it away
the guts and my brains
I'm as lonely as a stone
The one left behind
Never picked up and thrown

No more tired, you
I'm sure you love me, you do
You can touch me, still
Try me, then leave me
The way that you will
I can't wait
I can't wait

Just wanna see a beautiful face
One that won't last
But one I can't erase
Like that moon or lunar ambush
Comes in so soon
Turns my dreams to mush

No more tired, you
I'm sure you love me, you do
You can touch me, still
Try me, then leave me
The way that you will
I can't wait
I can't wait

I save everything like files
Your smile
My wounds
Your Dark
And your Light
Your joke
Your smoke
Your lovely
So when do you think we could love?

Told you it's a try, guarantee
I said you can take whatever you need
Come on
Come on
Come on

No more tired, you
I'm sure you love me, you do
You can touch me, still
Try me, then leave me
The way that you will
I can't wait
I can't wait

Cocteau Twins - ROUND

I, I will stay focused
When the thoughts do land
It's positive reinforcement
This sense of movement

This space, enjoy it

It gives me a new sense of progress
To this new life, a capacity to improve
Yes, I will, I will stay focused
When the thoughts do land

This space, enjoy it

This space, enjoy it
because because because...
the wheel turns

This space, enjoy it
because because because...
the wheel turns

Chris Garneau - SO FAR

Like the touch of my mother's hand on my head
I'll miss you, too, when I go to bed
We've ruined all the new pots
And the metal in the egg crate cots
But we haven't missed a good day of television, yet, so far
No we haven't missed a good day of television, yet, so far

The dishwasher's on now, cleaning, somehow
The baby bits of hamburger helper that dried too soon
We leave out the milk and it rots
and the mayonnaise that we got from Top's
But we haven't missed a good day of eating good food, yet, so far
But we haven't missed a good day of eating good food, yet, so far

You love good
but I think you should
go home, honey
cuz we haven't got any money

You love good
but I think you should
go home, honey
cuz we haven't got any money

Like the touch of my mother's hand on my head
I'll miss you, too, when I go to bed
We've ruined all the new pots
And the metal in the egg crate cots
we haven't missed a good day of television, yet, so far
No we haven't missed a good day of television, yet, so far
we haven't missed a good day of television, yet, so far

Elizabeth and Jeff Buckley - ALL FLOWERS IN TIME BEND TOWARD THE SUN

Elizabeth:
My eyes have baptismal views
I'm singing into my fires for a hand, I'm lost

Jeff:
All flowers in time bend toward the sun
I know you say that there's no one for you
but here is one
All flowers in time bend toward the sun
I know you say that there is no one for you
But here is one
Here is one
Here is one

Both:
All flowers in time bend toward the sun
I know you say that there's no one for you
but here is one
All flowers in time bend toward the sun
I know you say that there's no one for you
but here is one
but here is one

Jeff:
Keep it growing in me
Wicked traveler
Say it ain't farther from me
with your face in my window glow
oh where will you wait for me, sweet willow

Elizabeth:
It's okay to be angry
but not to hurt me
oh darling...

Both:
All flowers in time bend toward the sun
I know you say that there's no one for you
but here is one

Chris Garneau - RELIEF

I saw the sea come in
I saw your good old friend
He walked right past
I'll never ask
I'll never ask again

I saw the sea come in
I saw your good old friend
He walked right past
I'll never ask
I'll never ask again

I love the way you dance
Oh we can work it all out
Don't you miss your chance
The pain, it will all grow out

I heard your good ole word
I heard the things you said
They all shuffled in
As medicine, as medicine in red

I heard your good ole word
I heard the things you said
They all shuffled in
As medicine, as medicine in red

I love the way you dance
Oh we can work it all out
Don't you miss your chance
The pain will all grow out

I didn't go to see the city
I went to see it around you
Oh we can laugh in hell together
The devil will find you, too

Nose to nose
and eyes all closed
This is what I said
would never ever end

Nose to nose
and eyes all closed
This is what I said
would never ever end

I saw the sea come in
I saw your good old friend
He walked right past
I'll never ask
I'll never ask again

Chris Garneau - BETWEEN THE BARS

drink up baby
stay up all night
the things you could do
you won't but you might
the potential you'll be
that you'll never see
the promises you'll only make

drink up with me now
and forget all about
the pressure of days
and do what i say
and i'll make you okay
and drive them away
the images stuck in your head

the people you've been before
that you don't want 'round anymore
or that push and shove
and won't bend to your will
i'll keep them still

drink up baby
look at the stars
i'll kiss you again
between the bars
where i'm seeing you there
with your hands in the air
you're waiting to finally be caught

drink up one more time
and i'll make you mine
i'll keep you apart
deep in my heart
separate than the rest
where i like you the best
and keep the things you forgot

the people you've been before
that you don't want around anymore
or that push and shove
and won't bend to your will
i'll keep them still

the people you've been before
that you don't want 'round anymore
or that push and shove
and won't bend to your will
i'll keep them still

Cocteau Twins - SEA, SWALLOW ME
no lyrics

Chris Garneau - BLACKOUT

I, I was kidding about the mean things
While we were sleeping
Heat rushed in, Heat rushed
The fan stopped, the fan stopped
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Flashlights in delis
Drinking on the street
All the lights are out in New York City

And it never ever will be
Too damned late
To run inside the market place

I, I'll be quiet then
in middle of you talking
when we're walking
thoughts rush in
those thoughts rush in
the heart stops, the heart stops
oh, oh, oh, oh

Flashlights in delis
Drinking on the street
All the lights are out in New York City

And it never ever will be
Too damned late
To run inside the market place

I sit by the window
and I watch all of the little
raindrops, raindrops
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh...

Dif Juz (featuring Elizabeth) - LOVE INSANE
no lyrics

Chris Garneau - LOVE ZOMBIE

eat and sleep and shun
your mother she's the one
who gets all your goats
and herds them up two hills
with rotten oats

apple orchard goat
the place you loved the most
your holy frightened ghost

your heart
they liked the meat
it was too tough to eat
to chew and grind with teeth
to chew and grind with teeth
your love zombies

and all those men!
you beast!
you beast!
you beast!
you beast!

jeffrey...

Craig Armstrong (featuring Elizabeth) - THIS LOVE

This Love
This Love is a strange love
I'm afraid it can remain love
This Love

This Love
I'm think I'm gonna fall again
And even when you held my hand
It didn't mean a thing
This Love

This Love
Never has to stay Love
Doesn't know it is Love
This Love

This Love
It doesn't have to feel Love
Doesn't need to be Love
It doesn't have to mean a thing
This Love

This Love
This Love
has a strange Love, strange Love

This Love
This Love
has a strange Love, a strange Love
(doesn't have to mean a thing/think I'm gonna fall again)

This Love....

Vlog: Vimeo Meetup 2008

Vimeo is the best video sharing site online, full of original videos from the most amateur of us to the most amazing professionals, and all of it is set in a context of maturity and support, as opposed to the frenetic teen-minded-haters of YouTube. I love YouTube for a lot of things, but nothing beats Vimeo for its inspiration and sense of community. Not everyone is trying to be all fancy with their videos, but it's clear that most are putting some amount of effort into the creativity, message, and experience of the video, so that even the simplest of the videos is easily appreciated.

So the Vimeo Peeps got together and set up a Vimeo Meetup for all of us local to NYC (though many came from far far away to be there), and we danced our boo-tays off. We had such a nice time.

I didn't know what to expect from the night, so for a long time we stood around, waiting, listening to the music, and enjoying the social atmosphere... but eventually it became clear that this was just... a party! I was expecting some presentation or something, but it was just to socialize and have fun. I met some really sweet, kind people who have some really amazing things on Vimeo. I'll add a few samples below my vlog!

VLOG: Vimeo Meetup 2008 from CocteauBoy on Vimeo.


OTHER VEEPS:


Zupa HD HDR Time-Lapse from tino stanicic on Vimeo.


These are not mis-sized below. Your mouse should be able to find the PLAY button, and then remove your mouse from the image to see the gorgeous work done here, or just follow the links below each vimeo to see them in their full HD glory at the original site.


Regarding the Nature of Luminance in Ubiquitous Darkness from Karen Abad loves Dinosaurs. on Vimeo.



Memory Bank 120389a from Karen Abad loves Dinosaurs. on Vimeo.



Leading from Christopher Galasso on Vimeo.



Bunny Rescue Mission from Loonachic on Vimeo.

DREAM: Dead Rodents

I had a very strange dream last night (as if my dreams aren't always strange).

DREAM

I dreamt I was at Cyprus's parents house, even though the house was not recognized and is not the same as her parents' house in waking life, and we were sitting around, watching TV. Her parents weren't her parents in waking life, either. In my dream, they were our friends, Sandy and Larry.

For some reason I decided to go get a blanket from the closet. There was a thin, white blanket, kind of like a jersey sheet, lying on the floor of the closet. I reached for it and it moved. My hand cringed back to me and I looked closer at the blanket. Part of it was disappearing into a space that was between the floor and the wall. I grabbed the blanket and pulled at it. It pulled back! It was like fishing, with a fish tugging at the end of the line. I pulled harder and sure enough, pulled through the crack came a tiny, little mouse. I was surprised by the strength it had. I tugged at the blanket until the mouse let go and then it scurried back into the wall.

I didn't want to make a big deal of this, but I wanted to tell Cyprus that there was a mouse in the house. I carried the blanket with me to the doorway of the living room and waved discreetly to her to come into the other room with me. She did.

In hushed tones, I started to tell her about the mouse. She shifted her weight as she listened intently to me and put one foot on a beanbag chair that was in this sitting room. Suddenly a horrifying odor wafted up toward us and it was the smell of a dead rodent (if anyone has ever smelled this, it is one of the most upsetting smells on the planet). I looked down at her foot on the beanbag and I saw that she had placed her foot on a large, dead, bloated rat! Her foot had squished into the rotting softness and caused the release of those horrible smells!



She freaked out and pulled her foot back, shivering and looking completely disoriented and I just stood there, wide-eyed. There was no hiding our conversation from her parents, so a lot commotion ensued as we dealt with the reality of my finding a mouse and now this dead rat.

I don't remember much of what happened next, but the final thing I remember is eating Twizzlers (strawberry licorice sticks) from a bag on the counter in the kitchen. I leaned against the counter and chewed one up, then reached for another, pulling it from the sticky inside of the bag... I ate it, too. I think Cyprus and her parents were, at this point, dealing more directly with the rodent issue and I was just wandering around, finding these delicious Twizzlers.

I reached for another in the bag and that's when I saw through the clear part of the bag, almost obscured by the lettering and logo, a dead mouse stuck to one side of the inside of the bag!

I started retching...

I woke up.

END DREAM

WAKING LIFE ANALYSIS:

Clearly this was a strange processing of my day, yesterday, because I spent a great deal of it "mouse-proofing" my apartment. I have now seen a mouse in my apartment on several occasions, but very few and far between. I never have a mouse or bug problem, so I don't usually get too concerned about it. I attributed my sightings to the fact that some construction and renovation have been going on in my building that the little mice were just passing through. But I don't want to be a passageway for rodents, so rather than setting traps and killing them (I refuse to do so), I would rather just take preventative measures. I have tried to find every possible point of entry and fill it with steel wool and that expanding foam stuff you can buy from the hardware store. So that's what I did, yesterday.

I think it must have carried over into my dreams.

Now, why they were dead and rotting and playing tug-o-war with a blanket... I don't know!

Vlog: 2 Videos

Just a couple of videos from recent vlogging...

The update for Cyprus's Boob. A "spiculated density" was found several months ago... this video is another of her on-going followups.

FIRST TRIP (part one)
http://vimeo.com/349632
FIRST TRIP (part two)
http://vimeo.com/349641

SECOND TRIP:
http://vimeo.com/407576

A quick apartment update and some thoughts on CHANGE

OTHER APARTMENT UPDATES:
http://www.vimeo.com/388969
http://www.vimeo.com/599557

30 Things About Me

I've never done this before, but feel inspired by a friend's entry listing 30 things about herself. It was so much more interesting than I had expected! So, in one sitting, here are 30 things about me that I can think of right now. A lot of this is probably already familiar, and then some parts may be TMI!

01. I am gay

02. I am 100% Vegetarian and 90% Vegan

03. My primary philosophy about life is shaped by the teachings of non-physical Beings by the names of "Michael," "Seth," "Emmanuel," "Lazaris," and "Orin and DaBen."

04. Despite the love and support I have in my life, my best friend EVER was my dog, Pluto, who died after 5 years of friendship from Cancer (he was euthanized in my arms)

05. I am now HIV+ as of last year and am technically "living with AIDS" (though I am perfectly healthy)

06. I have a hard time believing that HIV or AIDS exists as we currently understand it because of the extreme lack of science to support the theories, but now I have to live as if it is true

07. I have now lived in New York City for a total of years that count as nearly half of my life

08. I love "Reality TV"

09. I spend more time with electronics and non-human animals than I do with people these days

10. It bothers me when people call me a "Racist" just because I make legitimate complaints and open commentary about my primarily-Black neighborhood and the issues that obviously plague Black culture (hello, I'm right in the middle of it!)

11. I rarely tell people what I do for a living unless they ask

12. I rarely relate to anyone who does what I do for a living

13. My greatest unfulfilled aspirations are to successfully publish a well-accepted novel and a non-fiction book

14. My greatest fulfilled aspirations are all related to helping people and animals to have and create better lives for themselves

15. I almost died last year in a hospital in a foreign country and spent several days in a coma.

16. Before last year, I have always done anything for "Love." For the first time in my life now, I have genuinely lost all interest in ever feeling that way again. And that's not a bad thing.

17. Most of my guy friends are my ex-boyfriends.

18. I have lost several close women friends because I was not interested in their affections.

19. I lived for 18 years being abused my Mother. Now I have not seen or spoken to her in 22 years. And she has never tried to contact me.

20. I communicate with the dead every day, but I really don't want to die.

21. The greatest ambient influence on my soul is the music of Cocteau Twins and one of the greatest days of life was when I met them... and they knew who I was.

22. After hearing a lengthy speech about me and my influence on my high school, I won a writing award that had not been given in 17 years. I accepted my award to a standing ovation.

23. I was voted "Most Cheerful," and "Most Outrageously Dressed" in my Senior Class in high school.

24. Despite being 40 years old, I still enjoy life as if I am just getting started.

25. I think Zombies and Clowns are two of THE most terrifying things on the planet.

26. The most disheartening and shocking things in life for me are having to watch people choose Convenience and Self-preservation over Compassion and Kindness.

27. When I look at people and things, I see colors and shapes dancing around and through them and I sometimes know what they mean.

28. Despite being very sexual all of my life (from a very early age), I have never really had sex.

29. Despite being 40 years old now, after growing up abused, I still constantly live in fear of "getting into trouble," even when there is absolutely no reason.

30. Believe it, or not, I always do the things I do because I truly love doing most of what I choose to do, and not for any reward, applause, or praise.

That concludes 30 Things About Me today...

CocteauBoyTV: Ep 3 & 4

I haven't had a lot of time for writing like I'd like to do, but I have been making my CocteauBoyTV episodes and would love to share these with you:

CocteauBoyTV: Procrastination (pts 1 & 2)

I've been treating APRIL as my "New Year," since it's been a long process of regaining my footing in my life, my relationships, my work, my New York City. The process has been surprisingly smooth, if a bit emotionally-rough along the way. I knew I'd come through, eventually.

So... I think I'm clear from the fallout now! HAPPY NEW YEAR!! YAY!!

As part of my "New Year" I have been focusing on overcoming a problem I have with Procrastination. As part of that effort, I decided to share some channeled information about the issue on my CocteauBoyTV channel at Vimeo and on YouTube.com/CocteauBoyTV:

EPISODE TWO: on Procrastination from CocteauBoy on Vimeo.

DREAM: a return to slavery & JERICHO

If you are not already watching JERICHO, you really should be (here's a link to the streaming videos for the series, beginning with the PILOT). Seriously, give it a chance... and even as you might have a blah episode here and there, keep on watching... it's worth it.

Although it's a bit formulaic, it is also a fascinating exploration of one of the biggest "WHAT IF's" we can imagine as Americans. What if we were under Nuclear Attack? What if we lost everything in a single moment that we take for granted? What if all communication halted across the country and we didn't know what was happening anymore in the world? What if our government were knocked completely out of commission? What if we found our country then divided into separate, newly-divided countries that found each other establishing their own idea of new governments? What if each of those governments then found each other at war?

What if we found out we were never attacked at all... but that our own government "attacked" us so that a complete rebuild of our country could be done without the Constitution being considered?

After "9/11," none of this seems implausible. In fact, unless you are completely without your wits about you, or unless you simply refuse to fathom this possibility, the inconsistencies, physics, and blatant lies that have sprung up since "9/11" makes this series all the more terrifying to consider.

JERICHO not only asks all of these questions, but eloquently plays out the possible scenarios in such a beautifully-insidious way that you don't even realize how terrified you are under your skin until the reality of the situation hits you in certain episodes. There are strings of episodes that leave you feeling excited about the drama, the action, and then WHAM! the reality hits you and you start to think about what the fuck you would do if you were in those same situations. What then started out looking like a formulaic series coils around you as you realize just how formulaic our own lives are, and how even in the midst of a horrifying shift in everything we ever found familiar, we do our best to retain that formula... until we can't.

Last night's episode really upset me. If you haven't watched SEASON ONE, please don't spoil it for yourself, but if you are a fan, you know how upsetting that episode was... for a lot of reasons that leave you itching, angry, and devastated.

Season 2 episode 4: JAKE and friends discover something devastating

I was crying after the episode and feeling really angry about what happened. The episode played on some very deep wounds and fears in myself that probably stretch from across lifetimes: wounds from knowing the right thing to do, but being punished for doing so; fears of being attacked and cornered for just being who you are; dying senselessly because of someone else's selfishness and fears... I could go on.

Although COMPLETELY unrelated, I am certain that Jericho prompted my dreams last night, which were epic and disturbing.

I dreamt that I was on a flight across the country and we were going to crash. The crash tore the plane apart and was really scary, but somehow most of us survived. We were all over the news. All of us were taken to a hospital, but it wasn't a public hospital; it seemed to be in one of the hangars of the airport. About 20 of us were actually just fine and we were released fairly easily from this hospital, escorted to a kind of cargo plane for our flight to our intended destination. After a while I began to question the length of the flight because it seemed to have been a long time. That's when we began to be treated differently. We were told to shut up and remain seated. When we finally landed there was an oppressive humidity and heat in the air and we found out we had been flown to Thailand.

To make a long story short, the rest of my dream was about my finding out that there had been a program implemented by our government to take passengers and survivors from catastrophic events who could easily be written off as missing or not found in the wreckage and disasters, and then shipped to various parts of the world and used as slaves.

In my dream I was able to escape and thus began my epic journey in trying to find a way back to the U.S. to tell what was really happening in the world, but finding out that the highest officials in many governments around the world were already aware and utilizing this program!

Everything about my world had changed in an instant.

I'm still a bit emotional over the damn episode and the dream. It's so weird when things like this really get into you.

It's also very cool.

Michael Speaks: February 2008

In the interest of continuing my merge of worlds both spiritual and mundane, I am posting to my personal blog the latest Energy Report from the Entity, Michael, through me. The Energy Report is a kind of look at the movement of energies and consciousness across the planet as created by all of us, collectively. If you think of consciousness and energy as moving like weather patterns, this is just a look at the weather for February and part of March!

If you don't understand the terminology, just check out the BASIC INTRO button at http://www.TruthLoveEnergy.com Even if some of the terminology seems foreign, there is enough in here that might resonate with you!

ENJOY!

Energy Report: Feb & Mar 2008

As January gave way to February we noticed an emphasis on the Moving Part of the Emotional Center as it mixed with the energies of the King and Growth, creating a general wavering of footing, stability, and sense of direction. Not all fragments are experiencing this disorientation, but many of our students are not so physically-oriented or grounded and the beginning of this year may have activated dormant aspects of the body, with external demands running high for many. This kind of external demand without a sense of inspiration can lead to many faltering movements, bitter responses to demands, and general collapses of energy.

(for more information about the 2008 Overleaves, see this entry)

This sudden shift to such external demand has left many of our students, and Older Souls in general, to fall into random exhaustion, constant struggle to have peaceful sleep, intense procrastination, literal stumbles and falls, objects crashing, breaking, and dropping on and around homes, often from great heights; an inability to gauge physical necessities such as dosages, food and liquid intake, energy usage, distances; and a general awkwardness in the body. Even companion animals may have suddenly called upon your need for actions through illnesses, wounds, and deaths, bringing to light the lack of inspiration in your movements and presence in the physical world.

All of these events seem to us to have the ability for helping to address the areas between the internal you and the external you. In fact: the extent to which any of you have had these struggles is the extent to which there is a gap between who you see yourself to be versus who you are in the world. Put another way: it could be said that these events are the playing out of the contradictions between WHO you are vs HOW you are. For some of you we would say that all of this is simply a way for you to address the distance between what you want vs what you are doing to get what you want. However specific we can get, the emphasis still seems to remain on the space/distance between the internal and external.

Most of what we have described above is an effect that may be most familiar to those who do not use the Moving Center very effectively or among those with very little emphasis on the Action Axis of the Overleaves, along with those who block or resist Inspiration, assuming Inspiration is something that should come TO you, rather than be generated as a result of you; but of course we do not limit these effects to only these fragments.

February will have brought about an emphasis on this lack of direction, resistance to external demands and needs of others, and general poor management of energy, but March appears to bring with it an emphasis on putting these realizations to work, creating a bridge between the internal and external, implementing a workable plan, organizing a path, and "getting busy" for the year ahead.

Many took on the new surge of this energy moving through the new year with grand enthusiasm, but with little structure or inspiration and they "short-circuited" themselves before getting a chance to gain footing in that enthusiasm. March has the potential for bringing about that sense of stability and direction again as you (if you choose) use what you learned about yourself during February.

When Growth is an emphasis, whether as a Goal for a lifetime or as a description of energy "in the air," it becomes important to create meaning in the life, in experiences, and in relationships. Along with Meaning is a great need for Structure, or Direction. Without Meaning, Structure, and Direction (evolution), it is easy to fall into Confusion, turning to sedation, procrastination, agitation, etc. as a way to funnel the waves of energy washing through and over the life that now seemingly have no point. We assure you: there is always a point that can be found to your days, your life, your experiences, your relationships, your existence. To assume that point is to be defined by anyone other than you is how one "gets lost" in life.

With Perseverance Mode moving into emphasis as March unfolds, even more emphasis on the external world may rise for you and this may either exaggerate your extremes of energy or finally bring about a focus so that the work you choose to do in your life can be done.

Keep in mind that with an Emotionally-Centered year, spills, bursts, localized flooding, and other watery disasters might have high potential for manifesting. With the Moving Part of the Emotional Center emphasized, it might indicate a continued spattering of these instances on a regular basis until there is a collective sense of inspired direction.

Key Phrases for February and March might be:

WRITE IT OUT

MAKE A PLAN

BABY STEPS

YOU CAN GET THERE FROM HERE

MY OBLIGATIONS ARE MY ROOTS AND TENDING TO THEM IS TO NURTURE MY LIFE

INSPIRATION COMES FROM ME, NOT TO ME

Both the middle of February and of March appear to be pivotal days (approximately the 13^th through 16^th of each) wherein the emphasis might be considered a "slap in the face," or a "wake up call" to the importance of YOUR participation and effort in your life. We would encourage awareness of your experiences during those days as many of you may discover some key elements that have been missing in regard to your experience of having a body in physical space and time as this relates to your sense of effectiveness, presence, and purpose.

END

Introducing: CocteauBoyTV!

Many of you know this, but I bet a LOT of you don't REALLY know this, but I am a Channel. There, I said it. I channel for a living (a meager living, but it's my income, nonetheless). I go into a trance and I speak for an Entity named Michael. I know it sounds weird and I know it's unusual, but that's just because it just IS weird. I know that. Hence my not being so open and sharing about it.

I have lived a long life in my metaphysical closet, straddling two very different worlds: my inner world and my outer world; my mundane human life and my higher self's spiritual life. I've always felt comfortable with that division because there is a place for both in my life. After almost dying last year, though, I am inspired to bring about a wholeness to myself in a way I might have unintentionally avoided all of my life. Keeping those two worlds separated, I effectively kept myself from integrating two very important facets of me.

It's funny because my friends who know me socially really never have to deal with my spiritual nature because it's not important for me to share it in that context unless it comes up, so when they are exposed to it, it's all treated very lightly and playfully, even becoming great fodder for making affectionate fun of me. Conversely, people who know me through my work as a channel can sometimes be shocked at the level of humanness I can display and it can be disconcerting because I "should know better," being this spiritual channel and all.

I never hid either of my worlds, but I did manage them, navigating carefully, thoughtfully, and drawing from both as necessary, but never truly merging them.

I'm done living like that.

I am launching two new channels on YouTube this month: CocteauBoyTV and TruthLoveEnergyTV. Both are focused on my owning and integrating my life as a professional channel, author, counselor, and teacher. CocteauBoyTV is just my life as a channel and I will be sharing my experiences with that, even sharing how you can use channeling in your own life. TruthLoveEnergyTV will be videos of my channeling for groups in New York City, along with a couple of series focusing on introducing the Basics of The Michael Teachings, and several advanced concepts.

Below is my first episode: INNER AND OUTER SCIENCE for CocteauBoyTV. Even though I am embedding the video here, please pop over to YouTube and leave a comment, feedback, ratings, and SUBSCRIBE! YAY! I'm done being shy about all of this.

Almost dying can put a lot of things into perspective and I am ready to embrace all of my life as a whole creation. I'm ready to allow myself to promote myself and my work because when my book gets published, I won't be able to hide and I don't want to be shocked when I am Oprah talking to the masses about my work (hee hee, i can dream, too, right?)

Well, enjoy and thank you for any support you offer!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vPEVZmW64Y

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vPEVZmW64Y

vlogs: Bring Some Color To Your Life!

Well, it's now 2008 and my rebuilding of life and heart and home are still in the works. Thanks to all of my friends for help in that rebuilding, and in this vlog, you will see Cyprus' Christmas gift to me featured prominently as COLOR!! She gave me all the paint I needed to paint the apartment! It's not done, but the video shows the latest updates. YAY!

I love color, especially in the home, and if I could live inside a cartoon, I would, but until then, I color my world like one.

Oh, and I'm really excited about this year. Along with Bush's finally exiting office (THANK THE LORD ON HIGH! - though i predict he may create an unprecedented extension of office), I also turn 40 years old in 10 days!

Good Lord! FORTY! WOW.

I had sent out a nice invitation to all of my friends and acquaintances for a nice little happy hour for this Saturday, only to find out that my friends had already started planning a surprise birthday party!! I ruined the surprise! In all of my years of birthdays, there has only been one that I didn't plan, myself. I am really surprised (hardy har) that they didn't take that into account!

Well, even though I ruined the surprise, it was still a surprise and I am very excited to turn 40!

Below is an updated video tour of my apartment, which I always nick name "Imagination's Playground," and though it's still bare, it sure is BRIGHT!

Below THAT is a fun little romp through some bonus bunny footage, which includes SLO-MO REPLAYS!!

Enjoy!

vlog: Onwards and Upwards from CocteauBoy on Vimeo.


bonus vlog: Fluffy Bunnies EVERYWHERE! from CocteauBoy on Vimeo.

vlog: Bunny Tug

Good Lord, here I go again with another bunny vid, but I can't help it! They are ADORABLE and so funny!

This is SAGE (yup! One of them has a name... still waiting to figure out the other one's name); he's playing with a straw wrapper and gets "vicious!"

vlog: Bunny Tug from CocteauBoy on Vimeo.

vlog: 2Girls1Cup NICK'S REACTION

There is a wave of people capturing reactions in themselves and friends while watching SHOCKING videos. I had to follow the nerd herd and do this, myself, even if I'm way at the end of the trend.

WARNING: The video that Nick is watching in this clip should NOT be searched out unless you take TOTAL responsibility for doing so.

YOU WERE WARNED!

Still, if you DO search it out, make sure you have a video set up to capture it and let me know!!!


vlog: 2Girls1Cup Reaction from CocteauBoy on Vimeo.

vlog: Tiny Love

Yes, I am officially now one of "those" people who post videos of bunnies! LOL! So what. These are my new members of the family. YAY! They have no names, yet, but after getting to know each other, the names will come.

WARNING: if you hate bunnies or are bored by cuteness, do not watch! Your eyes will burn out of your head!

vlog: Tiny Love from CocteauBoy on Vimeo.

vlog: Be Good To Yourself

Sometimes you have to remember that you are your primary caretaker, no matter how much you want to be loved by another, or how much you wish someone would just come along and be nice to you for no reason... you are always the one who is with you, so... sometimes, it's just important to be good to yourself.

Below is my reporting after a luxurious bath of bubbles and fun, leaving me so happy and relaxed, and giddy like a kid again (bubble baths are SO nice, no matter what age you are)!

vlog: Be Good To Yourself from CocteauBoy on Vimeo.

vlog: A WALK IN THE PARK

Spyder (monkey) and I have discovered our park nearby to our new neighborhood and we LOVE it! We go there as often as we can and she is thrilled! It does my spirit some good, too.

I used to live on the Upper West Side just a block or so from Central Park and it was so wonderful to have that massive pocket of nature just steps away from the urban world I love just as much. Now I live near Prospect Park in Brooklyn and it is just as wonderful.

I can't wait for a good snow to come down and blanket the branches and ground and lake with sparkling cold.

Oh, and sorry for the kinda boring video, but this is really just for my nostalgia, my memories; something on record for looking back and seeing myself from the future, remembering when Spyder and I had to start over on our own and make life the best it could be...

vlog: A WALK IN THE PARK from CocteauBoy on Vimeo.

vlog: First Squirrel and First Snow

I don't have the best view out my windows... at least some people might not think so, but for some reason these urban views make me happy... and especially when visited by a squirrel and a first snow!!

YAY!

vlog: THE SQUIRREL from CocteauBoy on Vimeo.




vlog: FIRST SNOW 2007 from CocteauBoy on Vimeo.
PS: my heat and hot water have returned... phewy!

vlog: Boobage Ville, Here We Come (again)!!

Well, Cyprus was called back by the people who examined her big boobs and told her there is a concern: a "spiculated density." Apparently this is a kind of spherical density with tendrils. While this is inclusive and not unusual for large-breasted women, it's still not a fun call to receive.

Below is the day of our return for her follow-up to use a Sonogram as a means to clarify the density.

VLOG: On The Way to BoobageVille II from CocteauBoy on Vimeo.

Americans are NOT stupid! (???)

This is utterly embarrassing... and horrifying.



To be fair, this level of intelligence exists among all nations and countries... It's just fun to pick on the bully of the world, but, really... people... PLEASE REMEMBER: our country's behavior in the world has very little to do with a LOT OF US within the country, itself.

Seriously.

vlog: HOME AGAIN

So... after dropping everything from my life to pursue Love in The Netherlands, almost dying, recovering, returning to the U.S. and then getting dumped over the internet, I am seeing signs of my footing returning to my life, again. It's going to be a long road of returning to some sense of "home," but I'm on my way.

I spent my first night on my own last night, in my own new bed, with Spyder exploring the apartment restlessly, but regally, throughout the night and checking in on me regularly, poking her nose up against my eye or my own nose to ensure I was okay. I slept okay, but awakened often, of course; it's a new, unfamiliar place.

One of the glorious things about my first night was being able to create my "SLEEP" playlist in iTunes, set it to Random, and let it play all night as a backdrop to my dreams... I love sleeping to music, which I have not been able to do in a long time.

Below is a tour through my new little home... it's gotta a lot of work to be done, and I will slowwwwly fill it with "stuff" and make it all cozy in time... in time.

VLOG: Home Again from CocteauBoy on Vimeo.