THE BEST BANDS YOU'VE NEVER HEARD

Here ia a list of artists and bands on MySpace that you really should know about! Seriously, go through and listen to AT LEAST one song of each, all the way through... take your time. Enjoy. This is by no means a complete list, but it's a start...

CHRIS GARNEAU
I am in love with him so much! I can't stop listening... over and over and over. He feels to me like the smoothing of my ruffled feathers, and I's gots some ruffled feathers in this life. He comforts me.
NOTE: Performing LIVE at THE LIVING ROOM on Dec. 7th!

THE AGE OF ROCKETS
Múm meets The Postal Service in these beautiful, delicate beats, melodious moods, and lullaby lyrics sound-painted by the sweet vocals of Andrew Futral. Gorgeous!
NOTE: Performing LIVE at THE BITTER END on DEC. 11th!

MUM
Delicate, delicate blips and bleeps and beauty from a world between the worlds.

MAHOGANY
NOTE: Performing LIVE at Rockwood Music Hall on DEC. 4th!

JENNY O
I think she reminds me of the best of This Mortal Coil's vocals, with similar haunt and harmony.

GREGORY AND THE HAWK
Gentle, pleasant, story-songs couched in waltzing notes and the kind vocals of Meredith Godreau.
NOTE: Performing with THE AGE OF ROCKETS at THE BITTER END on Dec. 11th!

PLASTIC OPERATOR
WONDERFUL, upbeat and catchy music with the soft singing that reminds me of Erland Oye of KINGS OF CONVENIENCE. This stuff sticks in your frickin' head all day!

Lucy Belle Guthrie
Need I say more... (the daughter of Elizabeth Fraser and Robin Guthrie)

Soce, The Elemental Wizard
Making Hip Hop and Rap FUN and Dirty and GAY!

SHORT STORIES

POPULOUS

THE BOY LEAST LIKELY TO
"if all your childhood stuffed animals got together and started a band, it might sound like the boy least likely to" - rolling stone magazine
LOVE THEM!!

TRIPLEPLUS FEELGOOD
Transportive Electronic Ambience

Do you have any you would add to this that you think I would like?

Horrors and Hawmi

Yesterday I did not wake up. I was ripped into the daylight of my life because I was having a nightmare. Now, I've had scary dreams before (my blog is littered with them): apocolyptic dreams, and massive disaster dreams... For some reason, I play out a lot of my subconscious in these tragedies. These dreams are over-the-top, graphic, horrible, and somehow I am always safe in them. This latest dream was not really that different from the usual of my scarier dreams, but I was pushed from the dream and into my room through my panicked breathing and feelings of utter terror! It was very weird! I don't remember ever having that happen, before.

THE (horror) DREAM:
I was in a hotel room with someone who was teaching me Yoga. There was a large pane of window that looked out onto a parking lot, a busy highway, and across to some kind of business, like a 7-11 or something, on the other side of that highway. I was doing some sort of squatting thing while facing out the window and I started acting silly, bending my arms up at the elbows, facing my hands out, downward, and making chicken noises, laughing. My teacher wasn't that amused, but I was really cracking myself up, squatting there, my arms dancing like an Egyptian's, and snickering.

Suddenly, out the window I see one car crash into another, sending the one that got hit onto its side and rolling down an embankment. I shouted out, "Oh my god! A car just crashed!" My teacher seemed uninterested and at first I thought the teacher just thought I was kidding, so said it again. By this time, ANOTHER car crashed into the one still left on the highway! And then another, and another! My teacher still just stood there, not able to see out the window from where he/she was. I couldn't just stand there any longer, so I gathered myself up and ran outside.

That's when I saw three toddlers on tricycles. In some kind of slow motion, I saw them being hit by the various traffic and sliding on their sides along the pavement!

By now there were fires and screaming and it was just awful!

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone calling from a cell phone to 911. I thought, Oh DUH! I should call 911! But as that person dialed, a large Black man suddenly rose from the crashes and debris with a large two-by-four swinging... and he rushed up behind the person who was dialing and smashed his head! The body just dropped in convulsions.

I was stunned, but thought quickly enough to try to dial 911, too. The man glanced up at me, hatefully, from the distance and said in this terrifying voice, "Don't even think about calling for help."

He started toward me.

I rushed to a car that still seemed driveable from among the wreckage and got into the driver's seat just as he was rounding the car. There were keys in the ignition! Thank god! The big man was now at my driver's side window, his face bloody and burned, his clothes shredded. He flattened both of his hands against the window as I tried to start the car. He spittled out, "You will never get away."

He stepped back, pulled the two-by-four into a huge, arcing motion, and swung it toward the window. I closed my eyes...

...and woke up, out of breath, and shaking.

WHAT THE!!!

But last night's dream wasn't scary; it was strange and beautiful.

THE (hawmi) DREAM:

I dreamt that Hawmi was hosting me for a weekend in his home. It wasn't his home that I know in waking life; it was a huge, multi-leveled, epic mansion of some sort and he lived there, alone. Although he lived there alone, he would lease out the entire space to large groups of people for various occassions over extended periods of time, so he was never really "alone" and his income was dependant on that.

I remember we were having this wonderful time, just romping around the grounds and the mansion, playing and laughing, but whenever a tenant would be nearby, Hawmi would change his demeanor to a very professional stance and make sure they were being served well by the stafe, that they were happy, etc.

It came to my attention that everyone who was there at the time, though, Hawmi did NOT like. He was happy to have them in the house because they did generate income, but he was counting the days for them to leave.

At one point, we were walking together through a pristine, white dining area where several of the tenants were having lunch or dinner. Everything was so white, even though this seemed to be a large, outdoor area connected off the mansion.

The plate that day, at that time, was something that included Corn-on-the-Cob. Everyone was grumbling about having to eat it, and they were completely perplexed as to HOW to eat it. Some were pricking off kernels with a fork, others were biting it, but immediately putting it back down in disgust at the "mess."

Hawmi just rolled his eyes as we noticed these people behaving so melodramatically over Corn-on-the-Cob. I was very confused as to what kind of people didn't know how to eat corn-on-the-cob!

A table with three guys looked up and caught Hawmi's eye as we were walking past and said in a smug, presumptuous tone, "Can you HELP with this?!"

Hawmi patiently bent over the table, took out a knife, held the corn at at angle, and slid the knife along the cob under the kernels, popping them off onto the plate into a nice, neat pile. Everyone was so impressed and exclaimed, "ohhhh..." as if this was just genius. The leaves (called "shucks") from the corn were still on cob, so Hawmi cut those off, too. As he did so, I saw him lift the bundle of leaves up in a way that left his fingers buttery and busy... and he paused. Everyone at the table paused, too, waiting to see if he would do what it looked like he was about to do. Hawmi glanced back at me with a calm, but telling look... and then he did it. He LICKED his buttery fingers from having been touching the corn... and then proceeded to touch and turn the cob so as to remove the corn for the obnoxious tenant.

The tenant threw down his napkin and said, "Ohhh! I cannot believe you did that! How unsanitary! How uncivil!" and he pushed himself out and away from the table. He then called for everyone else to get up and leave with him, not only from the dining area, but to leave from this epic mansion.

I was so nervous as to what Hawmi was going to do because he was now losing all of these people! He just stood there, watching them leave. I waited and in a few moments, it was so quiet, except for birds and breeze.

Then Hawmi looked at me... paused... opened up a big grin, reached around me with his familiar, warm hug, lifted me up into him, and said, "NOW the place is all ours! NOW we can play!! LET'S GO!" and set me back down, took off running, looking back for me to chase him.

And I did.

AWwwww!

HAWMI n COCTEAUBOY bein' silly

Out Of Control

My recent experience of being near that car that sped out of control and through the fence and into parked cars and into traffic was followed nearly the next day by others narrowing escaping death at the wheels of an SUV with designs of its own:

SUV PINS THREE PEOPLE UNDER ITS WHEELS

YIKES!

Oh, and remember the guy who ran down the crowd at Herald Square? And then that horrible one out in Queens where the ladies were crossing the vast highway/street and were standing on the median, waiting, when an SUV flipped out of control, into the air, and then LANDED on them?

Believe me: I count my lucky stars... because this is not the first time it has happened to me:

Once, I was standing at an intersection in Raleigh, NC called FIVE POINTS, on my way home nearby, when a woman couldn't get her brakes to work... she was headed toward the intersection that was a convergence of FIVE streets, so the traffic was crissing and crossing like mad. Rather than be in her car when she rolled into that swarming intersection, she threw herself from the driver's side, screaming wildly, and crumbled into the traffic coming up from behind her!

I do not know HOW she did not get crushed, but she jumped up, dazed, and stumble-ran to the side of the street.

Meanwhile, in my own daze, I did not realize the car was rolling right toward me because I was so frozen watching her FROGGER herself out of the traffic! The car jumped the curb, ROLLED OVER MY FOOT as I suddenly tried to jump back, then swerved back off of the sidewalk and into the 5-points intersection. Cars were whizzing by and missing the out-of-control car by mere inches, but the car made it all the way through the intersection without a scratch... and then jumped the curb, hurling into a gas station, knocked a gas pump loose, and smashed into a car so hard that they both jutted upward into an inverted V-shape!! The gas pump exploded into a massive plume, bodies flew into the air on fire and into the intersection where cars then hit them and hurtled them back into the air. It was hysteria! Another explosion blew out all of the windows from the cars nearby and all of the stores imploded, with the blast throwing me onto the hood of a parked car!

Okay, not really... the red-bold-italic part didn't happen at all. But the rest did, LOL!

No one was really hurt at all; not even the woman who threw herself into traffic.

HOWEVER, as I gave my statement, I did feel my foot was on fire. I had forgotten by then that it had actually rolled over me. I didn't tell them I may be hurt because I really didn't want to go the hospital or be involved anymore than I was.

As I walked home, my foot was stinging like crazy! I got home, pulled off my shoe and sock and found blood was all over the toe of the sock and in the sole of my shoe. Apparently, the weight of the car had "popped" one of my toes! A split was in the side/bottom of my toe like a little cut, bleeding like crazy, and burning like mad. I just cleaned myself up and bandaged it, limped around a bit for a while, but mostly just felt so lucky that I wasn't just completely smooshed. My toe healed nicely and you would never know.

The other time was in Brooklyn, NY and I was using one of those standing payphones (yes, this was just at the beginning of when everyone then started getting a cell, which, surprisingly, was NOT that long ago - 5/6 years ago?). As I spoke into the phone, I heard a squealing sound, screeching, and I looked up just in time to see a car going out of control, whizzing STRAIGHT TOWARD ME!! It hit the curb HARD, bounced up into the air so high I thought it was going to fly over my head for a second, but then just smashed right into the very phone box I was using, actually ripping the receiver from my hand! But missing me, entirely!

The man driving was not hurt and no one else was hurt, but the payphone was ruined. It remained bent parallel to the ground and smashed up for months before they removed it entirely. It was a haunting sight every day to see this crushed payphone dangling its receiver onto the sidewalk.

I was glad when they removed it.

Have any of you had any close calls with wild vehicles?

You Gotta Fall In Love With EVERYBODY!

DREAM:

I had the most adorable dream this morning! I dreamt that two of my favorite boyfriends whom I have never met (I have a lot of those) and I were making a video for a song that we created together. I actually remember almost ALL of the song and the words! It was a creative collaboration from me, Sufjan Stevens, and Chris Garneau. Two of my most-loved and inspiring contemporary boy singers on the planet. I love them so much!

So the video went like this:

Chris was driving; I was in the passenger seat; and Sufjan was in the back seat in the middle. We were doing this corny, happy, fake driving; like with the fake scenery moving by, and a big steering wheel that Chris would just wiggle back and forth as he sang. The car was "moving" through neighborhoods and down streets that were busy with people who would wave and smile and sing along with the song, especially at the chorus. Everything was all cartoon-y and bright landscape, colorful houses, etc.

The song was called, "YOU GOTTA FALL IN LOVE WITH EVERYBODY!"

The song was bouncy, happy, inspiring, and the bridge to the chorus dropped and then built up to the chorus that crescendoed with all three of us singing, and with lots of kids singing along. Sufjan would sing some parts, I would sing some, and Chris would sing others, as if we were singing to each other a conversation, and to the viewer of the video, too. When one of us would sing, the other two would smile all big and listen intently, nodding and being all silly and happy.

I just can't do it justice for how fun and sweet and uplifting this song sounded... as a song. In my head. In my dream. With me, singing with two of my favorite boyfriends whom I have never met and who don't know I exist, LOL! Which I think is appropriate for the song because I DO seem to fall in love with everybody!

Below the lyrics, I have linked to two videos, along with their sites, so you can get to know Sufjan and Chris, if you don't know them already. And if you don't know of them, you should, because they are part of what makes living on earth such a beautiful experience! Their art make me so happy.

Here are the lyrics to my dream song:

You Gotta Fall In Love With Everybody

On our backs
We scream out loud
Against the failing wounds and empty scars
But our pain
Doesn'’t make us different
We are tiny sparkles among billions of stars

On our feet
We try to fight
Everything we hate or fear
But our pain
Doesn't make us different
It's all music and we just don'’t hear

So what do we do when we want the love
What do we do when we want the truth
What do we do when we want the beauty

We gotta make us laugh
We gotta let us cry
And we gotta fall in love with everybody
We gotta fall in love with everybody

In the sky
We seek a savior
Our intelligence put on shelves
But our pain
Doesn't make us different
No one can save us but (from) ourselves

In the clouds
We seek our heaven
To escape from where our feet now stand
But our pain
Doesn'’t make us different
We just need to put our hand in hand

So how we gonna get to all that love
How we gonna get to all that truth
How we gonna get to all that beauty

We gotta make us laugh
We gotta let us cry
And we gotta fall in love with everybody
We gotta fall in love with everybody


CHRIS GARNEAU
OFFICIAL SITE
MYSPACE

VIDEO: RELIEF



SUFJAN STEVENS
OFFICIAL SITE
MYSPACE

VIDEO: JOHN WAYNE GACY, JR. (this song is heart-breaking and haunting)

I Coulda Died

Oh how the mind reels when within feet of possible harm or death. Yes, last night, I coulda died.

THIS DOES NOT DO IT JUSTICE

I was rushing about with my dog, Spyder, through the iron-fenced parking lot of my building, working my way with her to the massive gates that lead out onto the sidewalk... when I suddenly heard this painful squealing. Before I could register what it really was, a car instantly shot out of its idle parking position, tires smoking, and raced erratically toward the high, iron fence... SMASHED through the iron fence, flipping a huge portion of the fence wildly open like a deadly gate, then across the sidewalk, CRASHED into the parked cars on the street, PUSHED two of the parked cars out into traffic, and finally halted... tires STILL squealing and smoking!

This was a mere 10 feet from me.

I was torn between running to see if the driver was okay, and standing there, trying to comprehend what had just happened (and wondering if the car was going to blow up) and how lucky I was to not have been 30 seconds earlier into my walk with Spyder!

Of course, all of this happened more quickly than it seemed to have happened and the car finally stopped spinning its tires. Several of us rushed to the car to make sure the driver was okay, and she was, as was her passenger, but the most surreal thing about this was when the woman stepped from the car, I said: "My god, how did this happen?!" and she just shrugged her shoulders and said, "I don't know." and then proceeded to gather her purse from the car as if she had just parked her car outside the post office or something. Her passenger and she just ignored everyone and gathered a few things from the car and started walking away! Authorities were already descending on the crash, so they didn't go very far, but it was so strange to see how flippant the driver was... though she just may have been in shock.

YIKES!

I coulda died!

In One Fell Swoop

Okay... I am back... (my god, has it been that long?) and in one fell swoop, I will try to update my lil blog o love about the happenin's of my life... it's been pretty good, but exhausting. I know I had better get back to blogging when the gorgeous Jane Doe starts hunting me down!

PHYSICAL WORLD

• HOME

Still adapting to a new life without the immediate presence of my friends. Still adapting to living with someone completely new who does not have the same life or lifestyle as I. Still adapting to not being able to call home, "home." Lying low in my bedroom to make as little a footprint as possible in a space that is not mine. Still adapting to the intense depressions and upsets that regularly beset my roommate's life, which require considerable amounts of energy and time to maneuver. Still adapting to the more-constant-than-should-be-necessary need to communicate my hygiene and space boundaries with a roommate who finds it is entirely acceptable to use other people's toiletries, drying off on my towel, or using my bar of soap, forcing me to have to bring up the issue in awful, awkward moments (for me) that then lead to his simply writing me off as "uptight" and "neurotic." Still adapting to living with someone who finds it entirely acceptable to throw trash on the floor and counter, leave rotting food in the sink, put away dishes with coagulated and crusty dog food on them, and tossing empty plastic bags on the floor. I had to buy a new, separate set of silverware because I cannot eat off of a spoon that has been used to scrape out gelatinous, soggy meat from a cheap can of dog food and then left to encrust over it. I have to keep my towel, my soap, my toothbrush, my silverware, all separate and protected. I am not used to having to live like this.

I really miss having a sense of home, and it is shocking for me deal with issues I feel are fairly NORMAL to want, such as a clean home and not wanting someone else's body hair on my bar of soap, but my roommate just thinks I have issues.

On the bright side, we get along wonderfully and have great conversations... but then that is even a bit tainted as he explains to me that his only concern in relating to other people is what he can take from them, not in what he has to offer, so he has explained to me that my presence and personality are the only things allowing him to treat me in any decent manner. It makes me very nervous that if the winds change, or if I am not in a mood to make the effort to make him feel better for the day, I would easily be completely disregarded. I feel everyday as if I am living on the thin ice of his ego.

Not fun.

I can write about this pretty freely as none of this would come as a shock to him. It's not some harboring secret. I'm very good about communicating and we do communicate very well. We have had our discussions about the issues and while he DOES make efforts to accommodate my preferences, he just thinks most of it is silly. He has a very foreign philosophy from my own.

On the good side he is very talented and while his motivations may be selfish, he really is a kind person to me, so it's the closest to home I have right now.

• TRUTH LOVE ENERGY

My work with my counseling and channeling has taken a back seat to some extent, but only as a means to adjust my direction with it. My focus is moving almost entirely in the direction of the publication of my first books, so I have to step away from the responsibilities of being available to students and clients... just for a while. My site will shift into being subscription-based, with monthly materials released, including chapters from the new book! YAY! I just really have to get these books done and I'm beyond ready! My private counseling and channeling will most likely stop for, at least, all of 2007.

• INNER WOOF

I've begun supplementing my income by creating my own dogwalking company: INNER WOOF: bringing your inside doggy, outside! I had originally started walking for a company called NYCDogWalkers, but as I worked with that company for a while, I discovered there were no ethics involved, not only in regard to the clients, but to me. I was not being paid what I was promised, and eventually, literally, the man stole from me. As I announced to my clients of NYC Dog Walkers that I would be resigning, several of them asked me if I would be walking dogs on my own... I had considered doing that, but was prepared to start from scratch, so I said, YES! This is when I discovered they were thrilled that I would be doing so and asked if they could remain working with me! So nearly half of my route left with me from NYC Dog Walkers. They did so, not only because we had developed a great rapport and they liked my work with their dog, but also because NYC Dog Walkers was just a poorly run, negative, and nasty company with huge turnover because of how the owner runs things. In the end, the owner showed his true colors by going crazy and contacting all of my clients in a panic and telling them that he had actually fired me because I was a part of some giant crime ring and that I was caught abusing the animals. Good lord! I can sure find the loons. Of course, all of my clients knew this wasn't true, but it was all very shocking and disorienting for a while there. Everyone already knew I was leaving about a week in advance because I wanted them to know before he did. Not only because I knew he would throw a tantrum and possibly not pay me (which he did exactly as I had anticipated), but because I thought they deserved to know that the person who had been walking their dog would be leaving. It had already been established that he would neglect to tell them when other turnovers had happened and people hated not knowing who had keys to their apartment from week to week. I would hate that, too, so I gave them a heads up.

Now these wonderful clients who left with me have a devoted, loving, responsible, consistent person who comes into their homes and takes care of their little furry ones and I LOVE the work!

• DOWNSIZING

I'm also losing weight like crazy! I've had to poke holes in my belts, and my pants hang all baggier than ever. My tummy is getting flatter, but not muscularly so... Just... Not as... Fat. I'd say I've lost almost 20 lbs, but I really don't know. My legs are lookin' good, what with all of the stairs-climbing all day long! Whoosh! This downsizing has inspired me to begin working out the upper body, which I will begin very soon. I promise.

• MONEY CHANGES EVERYTHING

I'm not making a lot of money, but I'm making consistent money, which is always good. What makes the biggest difference for me is not how much money I can make doing something, but how much happiness I can have while doing it. It makes a world of difference. Also, I am absolutely, completely reliant on my own income (which is another reason I am losing weight, LOL), but it's all a very good thing.

• MISTER TROY'S NEIGHBORHOOD

One of the best things that has happened to me in a long time was returning back to Manhattan, and more specifically, returning to a part of town I LOVE LOVE LOVE! The Lower East Side is where I will struggle to remain for the rest of my life. I want it to be a major reference for where I have lived in my life when it comes to my bio after I die. HA! I am SO happy here!

EMOTIONAL WORLD

• FRIENDLY FIRE

I've finally started meeting guys again, but only within the context of friendship. I love to socialize and I find it to be a more inviting context to get to know someone. So when a guy wants to meet, it is done so in that playful , social way and not in some kind of scrutinizing, interview way... we are just out to get to know each other. This has led to some really interesting and wonderful experiences. Sometimes I think I am too Aquarian for my own good because my emphasis is always on "just being friends," but I will know when I have found a guy with whom I can build a romantic relationship. For now, I don't mind having some new pals.

• REUNION

The biggest news is that I have had an amazing reunion with one of my best friends of my lifetime, IVAN. He was in my life when I first moved to New York City and we were friends who were in love with each other in a way that is rare. I have ached over the years for he and I to be reunited. We had lost each other in about 1995, I think. That's when Johnny and I had broken up... and then Johnny and Ivan expressed an interest in each other, and I was fine with that, even bravely encouraged it, but then I just about went crazy when I realized that their dating would cut me out entirely. That was the one thing I had stated I didn't want to happen, but I was naive and we were all young. It was really devastating, though. That's when I had turned to Cyprus for support... and she had her back to me because she had just discovered an entirely new world in New York City and couldn't be bothered. That's also when one of my favorite Exes, Edward, had also had a reunion with me, but then his new boyfriend told him not to hang out with me anymore, and Edward complied. So I had lost everyone important to me within about a month's time. It flatlined my lifeforce, but somehow, I remained friends with Cyprus, Johnny, even Edward, and I remained deeply connected to Ivan over space and time, even though we lost touch. We had found each other once before, but the timing was off, or something, but now I am grinning ear to ear with happiness because the timing is perfect; our connection is soft and kind, and I am in love with him all over again.

I "fall in love" with people whom I love, very easily. It's not a sexual, romantic thing, but a moving, BIG feeling of embrace and gratitude. That's how I love Ivan and only a few other people in my life. I am so glad we found each other again.

• LOVE, NOT LOVE

Speaking of falling in love... I occasionally have the RARE experience of meeting someone with whom I feel a deep, confusing, ancient history and our meeting is like a reunion, even though we have never met. It's just like the way I feel about Ivan, except there is no logic to it, since there has never been any contact before... but it still feels like a long-overdue reunion. In most cases, this can be the beginning of a relationship with a guy with whom I then become boyfriends, but not always. I recently found this experience with my "new" friend, Hawmi.

When he met me on a spontaneous decision to hang out one night, we seemed to simply "pick up" from where we had left off... from some other life. At first, this can feel like the beginning of a romantic relationship, and for a few days it was a bit exciting and disorienting, but both of us are smart enough emotionally and intellectually that we were able to quickly acknowledge that our connection is bigger than just some kind of romantic attraction... so we sighed our way into accepting that we have a big, strange, loving, immediately-intimate, playful love for each other... and we will just keep it as friends.

He is destined to be a great film director, and here is his web site for some of his initial short films. Believe me, you will see more of him:

HAWMI

• LOVE, NOT LOVE 2

In other emotional news, I had befriended a lovely boy who was spending a lot of time with me, laughing, having nice talks, having great fun, but he eventually revealed to me that he wanted more from me than my friendship and stepped away from our friendship with no warning. It was weird to have this person in nearly every day of my life for a while, having such a great time, and then having it all taken away because he couldn't get what he wanted. We had talked about that very soon after meeting and had made it clear that we were not going to go in that direction, but in the end, he said that didn't matter... he still wanted what he wanted and if he couldn't have it, he had to leave. So I rolled with it and just felt inclined to be supportive. After some time now, he has returned contact with me, but we haven't met up to hang out. I think it's best to move slowly back into that potentially messy territory, so we'll see.

• LOVE, NOT LOVE 3

Well, I have added to my experiences something I have never done before in my life. I went home with someone. Okay, I HAVE gone home with someone at some point in my life, but the once or twice that I did, it was just conversation and late night giggling, and then the only other time was with Clem, who became my boyfriend very soon after.

I HATE going home with someone, or the thought of bringing someone home, just for sex. It makes no sense to me. I don't have anything against it for other people, but for me, it's too fake, too contrived, too... something. If I want to have sex with someone just for sex then it makes sense to just do it right there where we stand, LOL! No pretense, no logistics, just do it. I don't want to have small talk, fake conversations, and be in a stranger's bed, or have them in my sanctuary. It just feels desperate and mutually exploitive, like some kind of extended form of masturbation. My philosophy has always been that sex is easier to get than food, because you can always please yourself, but you can't always feed yourself. So to go to such lengths just for sex seems so empty for me. I'd rather have a bag of chips.

However, I did go home with two people recently. One, was just like the rare one in the past: just lots of silliness and giggling and snuggling like big kids, and I really did enjoy that. It's probably not much different than how I described the desperation of sex, as it's still a kind of emotional desperation, I suppose. I mean, I don't FEEL desperate, but there is a desperation in sleeping with a stranger, no matter how you look at it. I'm willing to own that.

The second person with whom I went home...

OH.

MY.

GOD.

That's all I am going to say because I will tire myself out writing about it. Let me just say that it was probably nowhere near what most people do in these situations, and that I was absolutely "safe" because I don't do the nasty with anyone (except a few rare boyfriends), but I had one of the most incredible, free, comfortable, erotic, satisfying sexual experiences of my life (for several hours, at that). Hands down, one of my all-time favorite sexual experiences.

NOW I can see why someone could get addicted to this stuff, but I won't be getting addicted to it anytime soon. I'm just sayin'... I had an incredible time.

IN.
CRED.
I.
BLE.

Of course, there was a lot of conversation and it wasn't all sexy stuff, or I probably wouldn't have enjoyed myself as much; in fact, he did ask me (playfully) to just shut up a few times. And I would... for a while.

Anyway, that's probably the extent of my "going home with someone" experiences because I don't really like it and I feel lucky that pretty much my one time doing it was so amazing, I don't really see a need to try to recapture it or top it.

I'd rather make sweet love with m'bo'fren. So where ARE you, new boyfriend? Dayyyuumm!

• VEGAN LOVE

And that's another thing... where the hell are all of the vegetarian and vegan hotties? I know they are out there! I cannot believe I keep meeting these committed carnivores; the ones who adamantly state, "I NEED MY MEAT, DUDE!" Uggh... I mean, they're cute and all, but I gotta have that giant heart thing going on that extends across species. I mean, I've gotta lot of love here to give so I need a guy with a big, big heart. Still waiting...


IN CLOSING, for now:
God, I have a lot more to write about, but I really have to break up this post a bit. I've been very candid and that feels great to actually see that some pretty good things are going on these days.