Okay... I am back... (my god, has it been that long?) and in one fell swoop, I will try to update my lil blog o love about the happenin's of my life... it's been pretty good, but exhausting. I know I had better get back to blogging when the gorgeous Jane Doe starts hunting me down!
I really miss having a sense of home, and it is shocking for me deal with issues I feel are fairly NORMAL to want, such as a clean home and not wanting someone else's body hair on my bar of soap, but my roommate just thinks I have issues.
On the bright side, we get along wonderfully and have great conversations... but then that is even a bit tainted as he explains to me that his only concern in relating to other people is what he can take from them, not in what he has to offer, so he has explained to me that my presence and personality are the only things allowing him to treat me in any decent manner. It makes me very nervous that if the winds change, or if I am not in a mood to make the effort to make him feel better for the day, I would easily be completely disregarded. I feel everyday as if I am living on the thin ice of his ego.
I can write about this pretty freely as none of this would come as a shock to him. It's not some harboring secret. I'm very good about communicating and we do communicate very well. We have had our discussions about the issues and while he DOES make efforts to accommodate my preferences, he just thinks most of it is silly. He has a very foreign philosophy from my own.
On the good side he is very talented and while his motivations may be selfish, he really is a kind person to me, so it's the closest to home I have right now.
- TRUTH LOVE ENERGY
- INNER WOOF
Now these wonderful clients who left with me have a devoted, loving, responsible, consistent person who comes into their homes and takes care of their little furry ones and I LOVE the work!
- MONEY CHANGES EVERYTHING
- MISTER TROY'S NEIGHBORHOOD
- FRIENDLY FIRE
I "fall in love" with people whom I love, very easily. It's not a sexual, romantic thing, but a moving, BIG feeling of embrace and gratitude. That's how I love Ivan and only a few other people in my life. I am so glad we found each other again.
- LOVE, NOT LOVE
When he met me on a spontaneous decision to hang out one night, we seemed to simply "pick up" from where we had left off... from some other life. At first, this can feel like the beginning of a romantic relationship, and for a few days it was a bit exciting and disorienting, but both of us are smart enough emotionally and intellectually that we were able to quickly acknowledge that our connection is bigger than just some kind of romantic attraction... so we sighed our way into accepting that we have a big, strange, loving, immediately-intimate, playful love for each other... and we will just keep it as friends.
He is destined to be a great film director, and here is his web site for some of his initial short films. Believe me, you will see more of him:
- LOVE, NOT LOVE 2
- LOVE, NOT LOVE 3
I HATE going home with someone, or the thought of bringing someone home, just for sex. It makes no sense to me. I don't have anything against it for other people, but for me, it's too fake, too contrived, too... something. If I want to have sex with someone just for sex then it makes sense to just do it right there where we stand, LOL! No pretense, no logistics, just do it. I don't want to have small talk, fake conversations, and be in a stranger's bed, or have them in my sanctuary. It just feels desperate and mutually exploitive, like some kind of extended form of masturbation. My philosophy has always been that sex is easier to get than food, because you can always please yourself, but you can't always feed yourself. So to go to such lengths just for sex seems so empty for me. I'd rather have a bag of chips.
However, I did go home with two people recently. One, was just like the rare one in the past: just lots of silliness and giggling and snuggling like big kids, and I really did enjoy that. It's probably not much different than how I described the desperation of sex, as it's still a kind of emotional desperation, I suppose. I mean, I don't FEEL desperate, but there is a desperation in sleeping with a stranger, no matter how you look at it. I'm willing to own that.
The second person with whom I went home...
That's all I am going to say because I will tire myself out writing about it. Let me just say that it was probably nowhere near what most people do in these situations, and that I was absolutely "safe" because I don't do the nasty with anyone (except a few rare boyfriends), but I had one of the most incredible, free, comfortable, erotic, satisfying sexual experiences of my life (for several hours, at that). Hands down, one of my all-time favorite sexual experiences.
NOW I can see why someone could get addicted to this stuff, but I won't be getting addicted to it anytime soon. I'm just sayin'... I had an incredible time.
Of course, there was a lot of conversation and it wasn't all sexy stuff, or I probably wouldn't have enjoyed myself as much; in fact, he did ask me (playfully) to just shut up a few times. And I would... for a while.
Anyway, that's probably the extent of my "going home with someone" experiences because I don't really like it and I feel lucky that pretty much my one time doing it was so amazing, I don't really see a need to try to recapture it or top it.
I'd rather make sweet love with m'bo'fren. So where ARE you, new boyfriend? Dayyyuumm!
- VEGAN LOVE
IN CLOSING, for now:
God, I have a lot more to write about, but I really have to break up this post a bit. I've been very candid and that feels great to actually see that some pretty good things are going on these days.