LOVE
Wow, have I been busy lately! I will later post several new reviews just being published this week.
My boyfriend came home from his Cancun trip and, as usual, we fell in love all over again this weekend. If you noticed, compared to his trip to Colombia, I was SO good about not whining and worrying the whole time in my blog or otherwise. Nope. I learned my lesson from that Colombia fiasco. I dealt with those demons of insecurity, and let me tell you: the reward for keeping myself guided and assured during Carlos's Cancun trip was beyond my expectation.
Not only did *I* feel better about myself because I didn't go off the deep end with worries, but my stance of trust and security in our relationship extended to inspire Carlos, as well. He expressed that it felt "so good" to come home to that kind of trust and security. He's such a good guy; so honest, sincere, and loyal that it's actually insulting of me to doubt him, especially when he has given me NO REASON WHATSOEVER.
It helped me feel rewarded, too, that he was able to call me, twice, while he was on vacation. But seriously, I had decided that even if he didn't/couldn't call, I was going to be okay with that. I was prepared to tell him I didn't particularly LIKE that lack of contact, but I wasn't going to take it (too) personally. In the end, I didn't have to deal with that as an issue, at all. He called. It felt like icing on the cake.
We spent most of the weekend together, too. I don't really know why this means so much to me, but I loved that he was taking a nap, while I worked on the computer. Or I love that when we go to bed, if I wish to stay awake and watch TV, he just lies in my arms and sleeps soundly. Or I work on the computer, then come to bed a bit later. Or that we didn't do anything extraordinary beyond just lying around, talking, being affectionate, and playfully engaging each other as we took turns playing One-Player PlayStation 2 games. We played 2-player games, of course, but sitting so contently together while playing one-player games is RARE to share!
The real treat was the surprise of Carlos bringing me a bouquet of flowers for this weekend's Month-iversary! Yes, we celebrate every month. I was thinking I would mention it to him and we'd get all gooshy as a celebration, but he had already thought about it and brought me FLOWERS? He totally surprised me! But then, I have no idea why I would be surprised by that. Today, my apartment smells fully of the blossoming flowers. Wonderful!
DREAMS:
I have had three bizarre dreams this past week:
ONE:
I dreamt that I saw a woman walking her three dogs; one was completely without a leash, the other two had leashes, but only one was being held onto. She was apparently a bit blind, from what I could tell. Seeing her two dogs walking without having to be led made me think of Pluto and I sighed with sadness. I commented to her that I loved that she didn't have to use leashes for her dogs. She commented that she DID use leashes, but she would occasionally let the one walk a bit freer. I said, yeah, but I guess I was talking about this black dog without the leash. The woman screwed up her face and said slowly, "what black dog?" I said, "The one whose been walking right by your side the entire time." She said, "I don't have a black dog..." she paused and with tears in her eyes said, "...but I used to..." That's when I realized the dog was a a "ghost" and my heart sank. By this time the dog had walked several yards away and was sitting, looking up and around the sky. I asked, with restrain against just wanting to sob, "Did your dog have a red backpack/satchell kind of thing?" The woman covered her face and said, "Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god... yes." We were both crying really hard by this time and I shouted through my tears that he was still with her... her dog was still with her and I could see him... I could see he loved her so much. She was getting weak with sobbing; I was sobbing, missing Pluto SO MUCH.
I actually woke myself up with those facial movements from sobbing in my dream.
TWO:
Dreamt I was in my living room playing with a very calm, extremely fat and adorable Saint Bernard puppy and I kept accidentally calling it Pluto!
Note: Cyprus dreamed the same dream that very night. She described the puppy as being fat, jowelly, and lots of skin (like a Saint Bernard puppy)! She felt the puppy was a girl.
THREE:
I dreamt a black crow was trying to befriend me. Everyone kept warning me that the crow was dangerous, but I kept thinking I wanted to decide for myself. The crow kept landing on my shoulder and sticking its giant beak at my mouth. When I didn't flinch, he would just land and almost "kiss" me. At one point I realized I could communicate with the Crow and that we shared a telepathy. It became my secret that the Crow and I could talk to each other, but he openly rode with me on my shoulder all over the place.
...Back to Waking State...
Wow, have I been busy lately! I will later post several new reviews just being published this week.
My boyfriend came home from his Cancun trip and, as usual, we fell in love all over again this weekend. If you noticed, compared to his trip to Colombia, I was SO good about not whining and worrying the whole time in my blog or otherwise. Nope. I learned my lesson from that Colombia fiasco. I dealt with those demons of insecurity, and let me tell you: the reward for keeping myself guided and assured during Carlos's Cancun trip was beyond my expectation.
Not only did *I* feel better about myself because I didn't go off the deep end with worries, but my stance of trust and security in our relationship extended to inspire Carlos, as well. He expressed that it felt "so good" to come home to that kind of trust and security. He's such a good guy; so honest, sincere, and loyal that it's actually insulting of me to doubt him, especially when he has given me NO REASON WHATSOEVER.
It helped me feel rewarded, too, that he was able to call me, twice, while he was on vacation. But seriously, I had decided that even if he didn't/couldn't call, I was going to be okay with that. I was prepared to tell him I didn't particularly LIKE that lack of contact, but I wasn't going to take it (too) personally. In the end, I didn't have to deal with that as an issue, at all. He called. It felt like icing on the cake.
We spent most of the weekend together, too. I don't really know why this means so much to me, but I loved that he was taking a nap, while I worked on the computer. Or I love that when we go to bed, if I wish to stay awake and watch TV, he just lies in my arms and sleeps soundly. Or I work on the computer, then come to bed a bit later. Or that we didn't do anything extraordinary beyond just lying around, talking, being affectionate, and playfully engaging each other as we took turns playing One-Player PlayStation 2 games. We played 2-player games, of course, but sitting so contently together while playing one-player games is RARE to share!
The real treat was the surprise of Carlos bringing me a bouquet of flowers for this weekend's Month-iversary! Yes, we celebrate every month. I was thinking I would mention it to him and we'd get all gooshy as a celebration, but he had already thought about it and brought me FLOWERS? He totally surprised me! But then, I have no idea why I would be surprised by that. Today, my apartment smells fully of the blossoming flowers. Wonderful!
DREAMS:
I have had three bizarre dreams this past week:
ONE:
I dreamt that I saw a woman walking her three dogs; one was completely without a leash, the other two had leashes, but only one was being held onto. She was apparently a bit blind, from what I could tell. Seeing her two dogs walking without having to be led made me think of Pluto and I sighed with sadness. I commented to her that I loved that she didn't have to use leashes for her dogs. She commented that she DID use leashes, but she would occasionally let the one walk a bit freer. I said, yeah, but I guess I was talking about this black dog without the leash. The woman screwed up her face and said slowly, "what black dog?" I said, "The one whose been walking right by your side the entire time." She said, "I don't have a black dog..." she paused and with tears in her eyes said, "...but I used to..." That's when I realized the dog was a a "ghost" and my heart sank. By this time the dog had walked several yards away and was sitting, looking up and around the sky. I asked, with restrain against just wanting to sob, "Did your dog have a red backpack/satchell kind of thing?" The woman covered her face and said, "Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god... yes." We were both crying really hard by this time and I shouted through my tears that he was still with her... her dog was still with her and I could see him... I could see he loved her so much. She was getting weak with sobbing; I was sobbing, missing Pluto SO MUCH.
I actually woke myself up with those facial movements from sobbing in my dream.
TWO:
Dreamt I was in my living room playing with a very calm, extremely fat and adorable Saint Bernard puppy and I kept accidentally calling it Pluto!
Note: Cyprus dreamed the same dream that very night. She described the puppy as being fat, jowelly, and lots of skin (like a Saint Bernard puppy)! She felt the puppy was a girl.
THREE:
I dreamt a black crow was trying to befriend me. Everyone kept warning me that the crow was dangerous, but I kept thinking I wanted to decide for myself. The crow kept landing on my shoulder and sticking its giant beak at my mouth. When I didn't flinch, he would just land and almost "kiss" me. At one point I realized I could communicate with the Crow and that we shared a telepathy. It became my secret that the Crow and I could talk to each other, but he openly rode with me on my shoulder all over the place.
...Back to Waking State...
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