Saturday, July 16, 2005

Inner and Outer Landscapes

Just woke up from an awful dream that Carlos was breaking up with me. He informed me that he had met some girl at a wedding shower, or something to do with a wedding, and in meeting her, thought to himself, "Now this is how I want to feel." He told me this just before getting out the little car we were driving, so he could walk a dog that was with us. While he walked the dog, I went in to the apartment of our friend (who happened to be a very pregnant Jennifer), and she hesitantly informed me that she knew he was planning to break up with me for a while. I was SO ANGRY that I woke up as I stormed out the apartment and went out to confront Carlos!

Other parts of the dream that I remember are the song by Alison Moyet called, "Don't Steal Me Blind." I also remember seeing lit up and flashing, like neon, the phrase "Swiss Invasion."

Oh, and I just remember that Carlos's newly-adopted cat, Raven, ran out the door and into speeding traffic, being immediately hit by a car. It was AWFUL! As I stood in shock, my own dog, Spyder, came smugly prancing out from behind me and out into the same street, but she got blocked by a parked car and I was able to catch her by her tail. I was so upset with her! And then from down the street, Raven came leaping quickly home! She was injured, but not so much that she couldn't come home.

I'm sure I am having these anxiety dreams because:
1. I am getting all of these creepy hate mail and hate posts
2. I am in the middle of a rather sudden and uprooting move
3. Carlos and I came very close to breaking up within the last couple of days
4. When I move, our friend Johnny is moving in with us as he settles back into New York
5. I am behind on my channeling work
6. I have to start packing today
7. other things I can't think of right now, but I know are there

Those things contribute to my anxiety, I am sure.

But then, there are so many good things, too, so maybe it will balance out:
1. The creepy hate mailers have emailed me to apologize and try to re-befriend me
2. We found an amazing apartment in which to move
3. Carlos and I DID NOT break up
4. There is PLENTY of room for Johnny and his dog and his cat and his stuff in the new apartment
5. I am catching up on my work rather quickly
6. Carlos and Nick have offered to help pack
7. If I can't think of other anxieties, maybe I should not consider them anxieties?


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