I've only been here three days, but homesickness just hit.
I had a slight panic yesterday that was exactly what I had anticipated would happen. It was just this realization that I AM ON ANOTHER CONTINENT! It's this claustrophobic feeling of not being able to just get on the subway to reach a friend, or just to make a simple phone call, or take a road trip to family. Everyone is SO FAR AWAY!
It's alright, though. It's pretty normal, as far as I'm concerned. And I am glad I anticipated it, because that allowed me to treat myself more gently and kindly, rather than freak out with shock and reaction.
Yesterday, I wandered around "downtown" Amsterdam and was really surprised at how emotional I got. Some parts were so touristy that it was not really much different from being in an irritating part of Manhattan, where I love it and hate it at the same time, but then I would turn down a narrow street of crooked, gorgeous buildings and feel such a sense of remembering. Not since I found New York City did I ever feel the kind of "oh my god, I'm home" feeling until now.
I absolutely know that reincarnation exists. I've had enough experience with this subject to prove its validity to me, even if I don't really know how it REALLY works; I do know there is enough evidence to at least convince me that the concept is legitimate, even if some of the testimonies and research isn't. There are reasons I say I know reincarnation is valid, but I will go into those another time. For now, I just wanted to mention it because the "remembering feeling" I have in being here in Amsterdam is pretty powerful.
When I turned down a few of those streets, I felt home.
I felt like I was collecting parts of myself left here from ages ago. I've had that feeling of remembering with several people in my life (including Jip), but only once for a PLACE. I had a brief experience of this in Tucson, AZ (but I think it was associated with the person there, not the place), but New York City wins, hands down, for being a PLACE I love as much as I would love a person. It looks like I may be adding Amsterdam to that tiny list!
More observations, later! And Pix!!
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Homesick in a Place I Can Call Home
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5 comments:
Hey Troy - please, please post up your Dance Monkey vid again. You guys are so cute together!! Best wishes, Jennifer from Surfside, Texas.
ohhh! I wish I could, but I "got in trouble" for posting it and had to take it down. My bf was like, wuuut? You can show ur friends, but not the whole damn world, yo. So I gotta respect. (I'm glad you got a peek, though! YAY!)
Troy,
It's interesting that you're keeping a videoblog of your experiences. Is this your first trip to Europe? Have you ever lived there? Anyway, you should have a good time. You may want to keep a few things in mind, though, if I may share them:
1)Always keep your papers current
2)Try to get a working visa so that you can find a small job
3) Work on learning the language
But I know that you're already doing these things. Amsterdam's a really liberal and free place, though I found it rather conformist at times. And I miss those euros . . .
Troy, I'm so thrilled for you!
I've just found your blog as I'm moving to Amsterdam in a few months and just love it (esp. to read that you're better!). Looking forward to following your adventures...
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