Saturday, September 03, 2005

Breathing in a New World

Well, I did it. Fuck it. I put out a new personal ad.

Why should I wait? What is there to heal? The loss of someone who doesn't even care about me? Fuck that. Yeah, I am going to heal, grieve, and be angry (as you can see), but life isn't going to stop around here. In the wisest words Carlos was capable of offering, "Get Over It."

Thank you; I will.

Will I be on the rebound? No. I never rebound. I'm too awake for that. No matter how it looks to any other person around me, I know what I am doing and I always do. I don't sink myself into someone else's life as a way to escape my own. That would suck, and not in the good way.

I have never NEEDED a relationship (boyfriend). Boyfriend Relationships are beautiful, amazing, wonderful parts of the journey, but I don't NEED one; however I DO LOVE being in a relationship. I'm designed for a relationship. I learn SO MUCH from being in a relationship and I LOVE learning!

Also, I have ideals that have never been met and I have no problem moving on until those ideals are explored, fully. Why should I become so jaded that I quit, or think it's not possible? Forget that. I'm just all the more savvy now.

My confidence is at an all-time high and I didn't even regain my footing before I started being asked out on dates, so SOMEONE must find me worth more than Carlos did, even if only for another while.

SO, I will date, have fun, and guess what; I'm trying something different this time:

I'm going to date someone who fits MY STANDARDS. What?! WOW! D'oh! I have NEVER done that. I am of such the fringe dweller of society and thought, that to only use my standards would narrow the playing field to about one person: ME.

I have an inclination to date guys who are incredibly sweet, wonderful guys, but the relationship turns into an educational arena, instead of a relationship. I end up transforming from a sexy object of intrigue and curiosity and novelty to being the wise, loveable friend who changed your life,... but once that change is in effect, the love transcends the physical and moves into something platonic. Great. Thanks. And I can say this, publically, because there is no boyfriend who wouldn't agree. It's not a secret and it's not a pride of mine. It's just the way it goes.

So, my boyfriends feel this huge overhaul in the life, but I am just left tired and drained in the end. Then they take their newfound sense of life and share THAT with a new boyfriend. YAY FOR THEM!

Fuck that shit. No more. I'm exhausted.

I've decided:

I am going to date only Vegetarians or Vegans this time (okay, or AT LEAST Vegan/Vegetarian-Friendly and Inclined). I am only going to date guys who are immediately metaphysical and curious about the nature of the universe. I am going to date someone who KNOWS that colds are NOT created by THE COLD, for god's sake, and KNOWS that your THOUGHTS AFFECT YOUR REALITY, and who KNOWS that there is more to life than the immediate senses, and who KNOWS that there is no conclusion to who you are, only an on-going discovery and creation of who you seek to be. I am going to date someone who asks questions beyond his parental influences and beyond his religious upbringing. I am going to date someone who seriously asks if AIDS is valid, and takes into account the motivation behind the scare tactics and propaganda, and asks if there is more to 9-11 than what the media is capable of portraying. I am going to date someone who has experienced channeling and has read at least one book on alternative perspectives of life and the universe.

Yeeesh.

What took me so long?

Alright!

COME AND GET IT!

LOL!


5 comments:

Tara said...

Geez, Troy... if only I had chosen to be a gay man this life we'd be perfect together. (Well, okay, not the vegetarian part, but I'm definitely friendly). Hee hee!

I know from recent personal experience that desiring and seeking the person you need to manifest in your life WORKS and I bet you know it, too. You go!!

CocteauBoy said...

Tara, I think we've had this very conversation in the past! Ahhh, the cruel joke of cosmic design! LOL!

Kurt Leland said...

Hi Spacefruit--

Funny meeting you here. For the couple of years that I played around with match.com, your mug came up every time I searched the world for readers of Seth. But I never wrote because you're in NY and I'm in Boston.

Still, it would have been fun to let you know that there are a few of us advanced old souls out there trying to find each other, and basically having the same rough time.

I'm a channel, use the Michael material as a focus for first-time readings. You can find out more about me from my website: www.kurtleland.com.

I just started a blog to help get the word out about my new book, Music and the Soul: A Listener's Guide to Achieving Transcendent Musical Experiences. If you feel like checking in, write me at the address on my website.

Good luck with your BF search.

Kurt

CocteauBoy said...

HA! Funny, Kurt! Thanks for letting me know! I mean, I KNOW,... but it's nice to KNOW. You know?

Troy

Ps. Congratulations on your work!

Anonymous said...

When I was twenty my dates had to be young, slim, tall, handsome, rich, intelligent. Now I'm 64, they only have to know how to read and use the telephone..